Month: September 2012

Moxie Eleanor Dorsey-Lee

Posted on by zsmd

We worked all day on Labor day and all we got was this stupid baby:

Baby Back Ribs on special!  Choicest Cuts available!
$1.49/lb with Club Savings Card ™
($2.19 regular)

As you an see from the Olympic Warm-Scale, she weighed 7 lb., 15.8 oz. at birth, which we also just call 8 lb.   As I’m sure you all know, the base of the Olympic Warm-Scale infant holder module is 50 cm, so you can also see that she was 21.5 in. in length, with a head/chest circumference of 33.5/32 cm.

If you haven’t seen pictures of a newborn before, some of what you see may be concerning, but it isn’t.   For example, the giant white stick protruding from her stomach is a handle for portability; you just don’t see them used anymore because of the misinformation campaign perpetrated by the tyrannical monopoly of Ergobaby, inc.   Also, her sex is female.

Other anatomical questions are suppressed to maintain some level of decorum on this blog, but may be directed to Teresa Lee, because she will cut you if you say shit about this baby.

Finally, her APGAR score was 5 gold stars and a recommendation for knighthood.

Niagara Falls

Posted on by zsmd

Water has broken, onto the kitchen floor,

With each coughing, a full pint more,
I laughed and I laughed, a very bad idea,
But still I maintain, better than diarrhea
Midwife has spoken, pack up the car,
Jess is a trooper, revived by a shower,
Praise for the baby bag, for an easy bon jour,
Praise for the Wendy’s, open 24-hour.
(with apologies to Eleanor Farjoen)
We are at the hospital.  We have a nurse named Charlotte.    The baby has not arrived, so we’re all awkwardly standing around.
Jess is asleep, thankfully.  The midwife comes tomorrow when labour is active.  (She never eats the crust, either.)
A warning to interested parties: We will not be able to take the baby home with us because we brought so much stuff.  They will hold her for us, though, so we will be able to pick her up next time we make it to Rockville.